


She Stole My Face!

by TwicetheTrouble



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Lup lived, Memory Loss, Separated Twins, Twin Shenanigans, rated for canon language, they don't know they're twins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-02-17 04:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13069260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwicetheTrouble/pseuds/TwicetheTrouble
Summary: Barry had a partner when he was kidnapped while playing bodyguard. Which is cool. The only problem is this partner has Taako's face. And neither of them can figure out why.or in which Lup is alive and the twins don't know they're twins.





	1. Another Captive

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I'm not sure how long this story is going to be. I really haven't planned much out, just a few scenes here and there, but I really liked the idea that Lup lives and Taako meets her early on.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy,  
> TBL

-T-

 

Taako looked around the carnage they caused inside the cave. The place was now in shambles with gerblin bodies scattered everywhere. He took another sip of his Oolong tea before setting the cup down and getting to his feet.

“Alright Klarg, this has been lovely. Really, it has. But we must be going now. Our buddy, Barry is still kind of dying in the other cave and we sort of need him, you know, alive,” Taako glanced at the watch he prestidigitated when the charm spell began, checking the timer. “Plus, we only have about a minute before we don’t have time to leave and trust me I don’t want to be in this cave when this thing runs out.”

“But I have more tea,” Klarg said, holding up the kettle.

“One minute, Klarg. We only have a minute.”

“Well, can I at least get a hug?” Klarg asked. Taako shuffled backwards slightly, he didn’t do hug. Nope, no hugs for Taako. Someone else can hug him because Taako’s good out here. Or over here. Basically anywhere that doesn’t involve hugs.

“I’ll hug him!” Magnus exclaimed. He sounded way too excited about hugging a large creature that could essentially rip him to shreds at any second. Taako shook his head as Magnus hugged Klarg. When it started stretching for a little too long, Taako cleared his throat, getting their attention. He tapped his watch.

“Come on! Barry is a waitin’.”

“And his buddy,” Merle added as Magnus joined them. They started out of the cave, letting the human do all the waving and farewells. He was better at those anyways.

“His buddy?”

“Yeah, there was a blond elf tied up behind him,” Merle added as simply.

“What about Taako being tied up?” Magnus pipped up. They were far out of Klarg’s sight now so he added himself back into their conversation. “You’re not talking about kinky shit, are you?”

“If I was talking about kinky shit, you’d know.” Taako crossed his arms over his chest proudly. “Plus, it’s some other blond elf that’s tied up. Apparently Barry has a buddy.”

“Cool, cool. Are we saving them both?”

“Nah, I thought we’d do a coin toss. Heads we bring Barry, tails we bring the elf. Whoever loses gets to deal with Klarg.”

“Well that’s not too bad. They’d get some pretty good tea at least,” Merle pipped up.

“Uncharmed Klarg.”

“Oh, right. That’s not as good.”

“Precisely,” I said as we stepped into the cave that held Barry.

 He was pretty much right where we left him, lying at the side of the cliff completely unconscious. Curious, Taako looked behind him, and sure enough, there was another tied up figure a few yards away. They had their arms and legs bound like Barry, but also had some sort of sac over their head with a few blond curls peeking out of the bottom. Also different then their Bluejeaned friend, they seemed to still be conscious, if the constant shifting and wiggling had anything to say about it.

“Hey guys, looks like Merle was right,” Taako said with a smirk.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Merle muttered as he headed towards Barry. “I’m going to go heal Barry, you can take care of the other one.”

“Sure, but you’re out of spell slots bubalah.” Taako hopped over Barry as he made his way to the other figure.

“Fuck.”

“Wait! I have a health potion. You can use that!” Magnus pipped up as he started digging in his bag.

Taako rolled his eyes as he knelt down in front of the other figure. He immediately went to untie their wrists but had to stop when they jerked away from him.

“Yo, chill out my dude. Or dudette. We’re the good guys. I guess. At least compared to the gerblins.” He went to untie the bonds but the figure, which he now recognized as being female, jerked it out of his grasp yet again. “Seriously? I’m untying you, though if you’d rather stay here I’ll oblige. I can’t promise the bugbear in the next room will be very hospitable once Charm Person wears off. Which is in about eight minutes.”

There was a small pause before she moved her arms back, as if offering the ropes to him. Without another word, Taako untied them swiftly. As soon as they were loose, she jerked them out of his grasp and pushed herself up. As she removed the rest of the ropes from her wrists, Taako couldn’t help but notice she had a pretty sweet fashion sense. She was wearing a tight black crop top along with a pair of short black shorts overtop some bright red leggings. Not the most useful for adventuring, but Taako couldn’t talk much in his pleated floral skirt, white peasant top, and a lavender corset. The large, overly decorated wizard hat didn’t help either.

As soon as her hands were free, she pulled of the sack off her head, allowing a mass of curls to escape and settle across her shoulders. She was still facing away from him as she made short work of the gag Taako hadn’t know was there. As soon as she was free of it she chucked it across the room, hitting it with a fire bolt before it could even touch the floor.

“Sweet,” Taako said as he watched it burn for a moment. “I have to say, I like your-“

The words died in his mouth as he looked back at her. She was facing him now, her expression identical to his. Eerily identical. Like he was literally looking at his own shocked face while wearing a shocked face. There was silence between them for a long moment before their two almost identical voices, broke it in unison.

“What. The. Fuck.”


	2. Taako rushes out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm back. Pretty quick too. I have to say thanks for the response I got to the first chapter. You guys are awesome! That's probably part of the reason I got the next one done so quickly. That and I am really liking this story so far. I've been plotting it non-stop for the last day and a half. It's been great.
> 
> Also, a special thanks to phantomsonic who's comment was awesome and definitely needed to be added in somewhere in the story. So I did. : )
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy,  
> TBL

-T-

 

“Hey guys, what’s going on over-woah,” Magnus said as he came to a sudden halt. Taako turned away from the elf woman and to find Magnus looking between the two of them rapidly. “Is it just me or do you two look really, really similar?”

“Not at all. We look nothing alike. You just can’t see the differences because you’re a racist asshat that think all elves look the same,” Taako snapped automatically, before turning back towards her. She was still scrutinizing his face as if staring at him would explain exactly what was going on.

“What? No I’m not!”

“They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but I’m not feeling at all flattered,” the elf woman said simply. “So why don’t you cut the illusion and explain why you thought pretending to be me was a brilliant idea.”

“I wasn’t pretending to be you. This is literally my face. I don’t need an illusion to look this good,” Taako said, puffing his chest out with pride. “You, on the other hand, I can’t vouch for.”

“What? You think this is fake?” She asked angrily, gesturing to herself.

“Can’t say, but the face sure ain’t real because I already have it.”

“Why you-“ She started to say but was cut off by a Magnus Ah-Ha Moment™.

“So you _do_ look alike!” Magnus exclaimed, getting both elves’ attention. Therefore, Taako saw the exact moment when Magnus’s child-like excitement turned into impish glee. “I was right, Taako was tied up.”

“No I wasn’t!” Taako exclaimed. “That is not Taako, thank you very much.”

“What the fuck’s a taako?” She asked, sending him a pointed glare in the process.

“Me! I’m Taako! From TV!” Taako waved his arm with a flourish that made the other snort. “Which you must already know since you’ve _stolen my face.”_

“I stole _your_ face? Don’t think so, drama queen. I’ve had this pretty mug since the day I was born. If anyone’s stealing anything, it’s you.”

“I haven’t stolen anything except the hearts of my devoted fans.”

“What fans?” She asked with a smirk.

“Alright, that’s it. The gloves are coming off. Cha’boy don’t care much if you insult him or steal his face, but when you insult my fans, it’s over!”

They glared at each other for a long while, with looks so intense that they could have caused sparks. The fact Taako prestidigitated some for a dramatic flair was beside the point. They both ignored Magnus’s nervous shuffling. It was only when they heard a pained groan come from where Barry and Merle were, that either of them broke eye contact.

They both glanced over to see Barry now sitting up, nursing his head while Merle checked his condition. Taako looked back at the women, still suspicious of her.

“This isn’t over.”

“Of course not, princess.” She sends another smirk Taako’s way before using fire bolt once again to burn the bonds off her legs. She climbed to her feet, ignoring the small burns decorating her ankles as she inspected her clothes for damage. She frowned as noticed that some of the white thread on her shirt that spelled ‘bitchin’ had been torn. She played with a loose string for a moment before sighing and heading over to the pile of clothes nearby.

“Hey Barry, you dead yet?” She shouted as she shuffled through the stuff, pulling out a pair of tall, black boots absolutely covered in buckles and a dark maroon cloak.

“Not quite,” a rough voice called back before coughing slightly. Taako looked to see Barry being offered a water skin by Merle.

“Good. It would be a pain if I had to go beat the shit out of that spider by myself,” she said as she pulled her boots on. “Not that I couldn’t. It would just be annoying if I had to do all the work.”

“Don’t lie,” Barry said as he handed the water skin back to Merle. “You’d enjoy being a one elf wrecking crew.”

“True, there’d be nothing left of that place once I got there.”

“Except Gundren, right?” Barry eyed her carefully as she slid the cloak in place and started digging in the pile again.

“Who the fuck’s Gundren?”

“Gods, Lup. He’s our employer. You-you can’t just forget who we’re working for mid-mission,” Barry said with a sigh. He pinched his nose with his had as if he has had this conversation with her before.

“They change too often. The only thing I’m here for is to fuck bastards up. And the gold. That shit’s good too,” The elf woman, who was apparently named Lup, stated, still digging through the pile. “Now where is it.”

“You should at least make an effort to-“

“Yes! Got yah!” She exclaimed, pulling out a large, red umbrella from the pile. She pointed it up briefly before holding it close to herself. “You poor, poor thing. It’s alright now, I’ve got yah.”

“Lame.” Taako halfheartedly hid his word in a cough that fooled no one. Lup turned towards him, a small smile on her face that didn’t reach her eyes which, for some strange reason, scared the ever loving shit out of him.

“Hey, Taako is it?”

“Yeah?” he asked wearily.

“Insult my umbrella again and I’ll Scorching Ray your ass so bad all that’ll be left is a pile of ash and that gaudy hat. Got it?”

“Don’t mess with the umbrella, got it,” Taako murmured.

“Good,” She said cheerfully as she turned her attention back to her umbrella. Taako stared at her for a long moment, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

“Oooh, Taako got owned,” Magnus called, earning a glare from the wizard in question.

“Shut the fuck up.” When all Taako got was a large grin, he shook his head and went to check his watch. A split second later he was on his feet and rushing towards the entrance. “Fuck, we’ve got three minutes to get the hell out of dodge. Come on! Let’s go!”

“Klarg?” Merle asked, scrambling to his stubby feet.

“Yes, come on! Let’s go!” He said, hopping on the balls of his feet anxiously. “I said there’s no way in hell I want to be here when he snaps out of it, and I still mean it.”

Lup looked at him for a moment before throwing the pile of clothes into half-filled box and hefting it under her arm. Magnus, on the other hand, went over and unceremoniously threw a complaining Barry over his shoulders before heading towards the exit as well. But they weren’t moving fast enough for Taako.

“Pick up the pace! I’ll leave you all here if you don’t, I swear it. I give no fucks.”

“Afraid of a little bugbear?” Lup taunted as she reached him.

“Have you seen that thing? If I didn’t charm him I’d be dead,” Taako stated.

Before she could say anything else the rest of their group joined them and Taako started leading them through the caves. Normally, he’d make sure he was in the back of the group, just in case, but right now these chuckle heads didn’t have an adequate amount of hast for Taako’s liking. If he wasn’t keeping the pace he was sure they would have slowed down a while ago.

As it was they were barely out of the caves before Taako’s watch hit zero and poofed out of existence. Soon after there was a loud roar billowing out behind them.

“Son of a bitch!” the voice exclaimed. Everyone except Taako looked behind them as he dusted his hands off.

“Time to go.”


	3. Awkward conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm back! Again, thanks for all the kudos, bookmarks, and comments. You guys are fantastic! I've been working on this story all week, fleshing it out a little more as I go. When I started it, I had planned only to do a few scenes throughout the story but after all the great feedback I got, I figured I might as well go all in. Why not? I can't seem to find many really long fics anyways and my philosophy is that if you can't find something, make it yourself.
> 
> Can't promise a posting schedule right now since I'm literally posting chapters as I finish them and it's still sort of a side fic of mine. But I'll see what I can do.
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy,  
> TBL
> 
> ps. if any of you are curious, here's some [doodles](https://twicethetrouble.deviantart.com/art/She-Stole-My-Face-sketches-721836212) I did for this fic while I was bored.

-T-

 

The ride back to Phandolen wasn’t exactly comfortable. Not only was it physically cramped for all five of them to fit in an already packed wagon, but the thick silence that followed didn’t make it much better. While Magnus drove the cart, the other four were wedged into the back like a can of sardines. Very awkward, sweaty sardines. Taako ended up stuck next to Lup since Merle insisted he needed to continue tending to Barry’s wounds. Taako had long decided that was complete bullshit but didn’t bother fighting it.

Taako tried to ignore awkward tension as he jotted down a few notes in his Elven Bathroom Reader, but it was a little hard to focus with everyone staring at him the whole ride back. He got it, it was weird, but that didn’t give them a right to gawk, or in the other elf’s case, glair holes into the side of his head.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Merle looking at him for about the twentieth time this trip. Taako glared overtop his spell book, making the dwarf look elsewhere, acting as if he had been watching a bird despite being inside the cart. Taako rolled his eyes and went back to the book, only to notice Barry now giving him an inquisitive look.

“Alright,” Taako exclaimed, snapping the book shut loud enough to make Merle jump. “I know I’m gorgeous, but this is getting ridiculous.”

“Tell me about it,” Lup muttered to herself.

“I wouldn’t be talking if I were you darling, you’re literally the top offender here.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest in defiance.

“So it was someone else’s glare I’ve been feeling for the last half hour?”

“Please don’t start fighting again,” Magnus pleaded through the small window. “It’s hard to keep track of who’s who to begin with since, apparently, your voices are as identical as your faces.”

“We’re not identical. She’s an imitation,” Taako pointed out, getting a huff from the girl in question.

“I thought you would have said cheap imitation,” Merle pipped up, only to look sheepish under the glare of both elves.

“Nothing about this look is cheap. Imitated or not.”

“The preppy chick is right, it takes effort to look this good,” Lup added in. Taako turned towards her with a smirk.

“It’s preppy dude, but thanks for the backup,” he stated. He waited for the shocked exclamations or confused look that normally appeared when he dropped that sort of bombshell, but nothing happened. Instead all he got was a thoughtful gaze and a shrug.

“Explains the lack of boobs,” was her only comment. Taako chucked softly as he turned back forward.

“It most certainly does.”

“Wish it explained why you stole my face.”

“Oh gods, not again,” Magnus muttered.

“I didn’t steal your face!” Taako exclaimed, as the tiny spark of kinship that had appeared between them fizzled out and died.

“Bullshit. I know Disguise Self when I see it.”

“Are we there yet?” Barry interrupted before Taako could retaliate. “I feel like we should be there by now.”

“I wish,” Magnus muttered.

 

-L-

 

Lup stares into her drink, the silence weighing pretty heaving on everyone around their table. They had made it to the Phandolin tavern fairly quickly but everything was still awkward as hell. Barry was currently changing out of his filthy clothes somewhere else, leaving her and the other guys to wait semi-patiently.

“So Lup, how do you know Barry?” The fighter, Magnus, asked.  She looks up from the watery shit this place called ale, seeing a curious face looking back. He obviously wasn’t taking the silence well, which was kinda a cute change from most fighters she’s run into. “Are you two close?”

“Not really,” she said with a small shake of her head. “I joined him on a job a few months ago in Neverwinter and he just sort of followed me around after that.”

“If by ‘joined’ you mean ‘tried to steal’ then yes, you joined that mission,” Barry pointed out as he walked back into the room. He adjusted his slightly cleaner leather armor before sitting down in the empty seat. He still looked pretty beat up but not as much now that he had a chance to wash off all the blood and dirt. “And then you ‘joined’ the next. And then the next. And the next. At that point I figured it was better just to be partners then to actually fight over jobs.”

“I wasn’t fighting you for them. If I was, you wouldn’t have had the jobs at all,” she pointed out as she took a sip from her mug, wincing at the taste. Lup was certain by now that it couldn’t taste worse if they put literal shit in it.

“Anyways, we should get down to business,” Barry said, getting everyone’s full attention. “I think I know where to find Gundren.”

“So you know where Klarg dropped him off?” Merle asked.

“No, but I know where Gundren was heading after the supplies run. And that alone is reason to kidnap someone.”

“Why don’t you share with the group here, Bluejeans.” Lup dropped the mug onto the table before propping her head up against her fist as she spoke. Her denim clad friend sighed.

“Please tell me you haven’t forgotten the rest of our mission as well as our employer.”

“If you remember them, why should I?”  she asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly. “I’ve got more important stuff to remember, like kick ass spells. Can’t be cluttering my mind with stupid shit.”

“What? Not enough space up there?” Taako asked. Lup straightened up, her head snapping over to glare at the other elf, finding a small trickster’s smirk peeking out from behind his still full mug.

“So where are we headed to get Gundren?” Magnus asked before Lup could even open her mouth to retaliate.

“Well, I’m not…exactly sure,” Barry stated as he pulled the box of stuff she recovered out from under the table and started picking through it.

“You just said you knew,” Merle, pointed out.

“Not off the top of my head,” he explained, still rummaging. “But I do have…this.”

He pulled out a roll of parchment from the box triumphantly, looking relieved to find it. He slapped it down in the middle of the table before going back to the box. The rest of them traded looks before Magnus reached over and unrolled it. It was empty.

“Yo jeans, this shit’s blank. What gives?” Lup demanded. Barry rolled his eyes in response.

“It’s supposed to be blank. If it had the map on it then anyone could read it.”

“And how are we supposed to read it _if it’s blank!”_

“If you give me two seconds I’ll show you.”

Lup pouted as she dropped her head back onto her hand and waits. A few seconds turns into thirty, which turns into a minute as Barry kept digging through the box. Lup begins to tap her fingers on the table as one minute becomes two, and two becomes three.

She turned her attention to this Taako character after that, trying to figure out what his deal was. She watched him warily as he took a drink from his cup, winced, and then slid the mug over to Magnus who took it happily. Apparently he thought it was as horrible as she did. She thought it was odd since everyone else at the table was having no trouble drinking this crap. He was lucky he had someone to pawn it off on though, if she tried to give hers to Barry, he’d end up passed out under the table before he was halfway through it.

After five minutes she sighed in boredom. Barry has all but dumped the box out onto the table and is desperately searching for something.

“What are you looking for exactly?” Lup asked finally.

“That vile. The one with Gundren’s blood.”

“We had one of those?”

“Yes! For the map.”

“Oh yeah,” she perked up in realization. “I told that gerblin asshole it was really strong liquor and he drank it.”

“What!? Why, why would you do that?” he exclaimed, looking horrified. Lup shrugged.

“He was a dick and you were unconscious. What was I supposed to do?”

“Not give away our only chance to get a new map!”

“I didn’t think it was important. It was literally just a vile of blood. What were we going to use it on, Animate Dead? Neither of us are Necromancers dude.”

“His blood was the map. You convinced a gerblin to _drink_ our map. Gods, why do you do this to me?” Barry buried his face into the table with a groan. Whether it was from pain or despair, she wasn’t sure. Could have been both for all she knew.

Everyone else at the table turned towards her, each sporting a look of surprise, disgust, or… amusement? The copycat elf looked positively gleeful at the story.

“I don’t regret it,” Lup said, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms. “Even if it earned me the gag and hood.”

“On a scale of me to Barry, how horrified was Yemik when he discovered your rouse?” Taako asked, still smirking. Lup thought for a moment, tapping her chin with her finger as she looked around the table at the others.

“Probably about a Magnus,” she finally answered. Said fighter was currently looking both white and green at the same time, which was quite a feat in her book. Taako peaked over at his partner and burst out laughing. “He was asking for it. No joke. He’s has me tied up, is being an ass about it, and then has the gull to ask me what was in the vile. I mean, I’m not a huge prankster but damn, I couldn’t let that one pass.”

“True, true,” he agreed between chuckles. “Must have been beautiful sight,”

“Totally worth it.”

“He drank our map!” Barry exclaimed, slightly muffled by the table. “How are we supposed to find Gundren without the map!”

“Still worth it.”


	4. Getting Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back! And with a new, longer chapter to boot. I'm going to try to make longer chapters so updates might take me a little longer than with my other fics. I can't wait to get farther in because I've got a lot more ideas for later arcs than I do for this one.
> 
> Also, you may have noticed I went back and edited some stuff. Nothing major, just some grammar and spelling that didn't sit right with me. I'm also indicating who's POV at the start of their segment since I'm going to be using both Taako and Lup's POV fairly equally from her on out.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy,
> 
> TBL

-T-

Two days later, Taako, Lup, Magnus, and Merle stood in front of a cave staring intently at their new map. After Barry had finished freaking out, they had found a work around using Merle’s blood making it so they weren’t back to square one. Unfortunately, Barry, the only one with any sort of map reading proficiency, had decided he was much too physically (and mentally) exhausted to continue on this quest. Needless to say, even with the map, it took them twice the time to get there due to multiple unplanned detours.

“Are you sure this is the place?” Lup asked. She was eyeing the cave with what looked to be the same amount of uncertainty as Taako was feeling right now.

“Certain. My dwarf instincts tell me this is definitely Wave Echo Cave,” Merle said, hands propped on his hips triumphantly as Magnus studied the map.

“Which has nothing to do with the wavy echoes coming from said cave?” Taako asked, getting a flat look from Merle. “Because that’s fooled you before.”

“Hey, don’t go blaming it all on me,” Merle exclaimed. “We can all agree that those dire wolves had some really odd snoring patterns.”

“I’m not agreeing to shit.” Taako crossed his arms defiantly, watching as Magnus turned the map upside down and continue studying it. This is why they shouldn’t be given a random map.

“Come on idiots, let’s go check it out,” Lup said with a roll of her eyes. She started towards the cave but stopped when she realized no one was following her. With a hand on her hip, she spun around to face them.

“The sooner we enter the cave, the sooner we find out if it’s the right one. Seriously, we already wasted an extra day getting lost, for all we know that dwarf fellow could be dead,” She said with all the authority of someone assuming they’re in charge. Taako raised an eyebrow at the show but decided it was best to keep his comment to himself for once.

“For the last time, his name’s Gundren,” Merle pointed out, exasperated. “And he’s my cousin.”

“Oh wow, look at that. All the fucks that I’m supposed to give just flew off into oblivion. Oh darn,” she said motioning towards nothing with her free hand. “Now are you coming or what?”

“Sounds good to me,” Magnus said as he shoved the map back into his bag unceremoniously. The human went into the cave, striding past Lup and disappearing through the entrance before anyone could tell him to wait a moment.

“Holy shit! The walls are glowing!” They heard Magnus call from inside the cave. “You gadda see this!”

“He does know this was a mine, right?” Merle asked as the two of them caught up to the other elf and started in themselves. “That’s kind of a standard feature.”

“Don’t ruin it. I’m going to mock him for it later” Taako stage whispered back, smirking as he spoke. “And just so you know, if it ends up being more dire wolves, I’m blaming you.”

“I didn’t mind the wolves,” Lup stated.

“I wouldn’t have either if you hadn’t burned them all to a crisp. We couldn’t even get a decent fur coat out of them after that.” Taako shot her a mild glare that he wasn’t really feeling at the moment. “What’s the point in fighting wolves if you don’t get anything for your trouble?”

“Maybe to keep from getting yourself killed.”

“That’s what running is for.”

He saw the other elf roll her eyes but say nothing. After a moment or two they were able to catch up with Magnus and continued on down the cave. It wasn’t long before they reached a fairly large cavern containing different tools, lamps, a couple bed rolls, and a dead dwarf. A very dead, very rob-able dwarf.

“Well shit, looks like our job’s over. Barry’s not going to be happy about this,” Lup said as Taako dropped back from the party and slowly made his way over towards the body. Once he got there, he glanced back at them to find they were much too distracted with their conversation to notice what he was doing. Good.

“That’s not Gundren, that’s Tharden,” Merle points out. “He’s my other cousin.”

“How many cousins do you have?” Lup asked skeptically.

“One less now,” Taako couldn’t help but comment. Immediately he felt all eyes shoot towards him, making him want to curse out his runaway tongue for betraying him. He quickly shifted his hand so the magical loafer he just pilfered were hidden behind a lamp. After he was sure they wouldn’t be seen he turned towards the others, trying to look as innocent as possible as he held up said lamp. “Want one?”

“No thanks,” Lup said slowly, still eyeing Taako with suspicion. The others seemed satisfied with his answer, or at least Merle seemed satisfied.

Magnus had locked eyes with the loafers that weren’t hidden well enough from the angle he was standing. The large man looked up at the elf, trying to ask through obscure hand gestures if he could have them. Taako shrugged, what was he going to do with them anyways? They weren’t exactly his style and they wouldn’t do much for him anyways. With that decided, he climbed to his feet, dusting off his skirt with his free hand.

Lup was watching him very closely after that, but he couldn’t exactly pass up the opportunity of a distracted Merle. When the Cleric had taken Taako’s place next to the body in order to deliver the guy’s last rights, Taako quickly made his way over to Magnus. He hoped the other elf wouldn’t catch him passing the shoes to the human. He was pretty stealthy so unless she was very perceptive then she wouldn’t notice.

“I wonder what happened to those loafers I gave him for Candlenights last year?” Merle wondered out loud once he had finished. Magnus and Taako paused for a moment, guilt striking them both for a quick moment before disappearing. Magnus glanced at him before picking up the pace in which he was switching his shoes.

“Good question,” Lup said flatly, which got Taako’s attention. She knew. There wasn’t even a question at this point. The disapproving glare she was shooting across the room was enough to plainly spell out that she saw the entire thing, and wasn’t too happy about it. Taako’s response was to simply hold his arms out in a ‘what was I supposed to do’ pose that only made her glare more potent.

Instead of continuing to bicker silently, which they discovered to be quite proficient in over the last two days, Taako headed over towards a small pit dug in the side of the cave.

“I’d estimate that to be a good twenty feet,” he said half to himself. Magnus and Merle followed him soon after, staring down the pit as well.

“And our way in,” Merle said, pointing out the tunnel at the bottom. “There’s supposed to be a ladder here but it must have been misplaced. Looks like we’re climbing down.”

“I’ll go first so I can catch you,” Magnus announced as he immediately started his decent.

Taako frowned, climbing wasn’t exactly his strong suit. He thought for a long moment as Merle started free climbing after Magnus without much of a pause. The elf glanced at the pile of tools, deciding whether or not there was something there that could help him. He saw a pickaxe and figured it would probably work.

“I’m grabbing a pickaxe,” Taako announced before turning on his heels and heading back towards the pile of supplies. When he headed back, he saw Lup standing in front of the pit, watching the other two climb down, but making no move to start the decent herself. Taako glanced down to find Magnus about a third of the way down already while Merle seemed to be taking it a slower.

“Aren’t you coming?” Taako asked, glancing up at the now grinning face next to him.

“In a moment,” she stated, her eyes never leaving the pit.

This concerned Taako but he didn’t really care about it enough to ask her what she was obviously planning. So with a shake of his head he started down the pit himself, being extra careful not to lose his footing. He glanced up at Lup a few times to see her still standing there, watching them. It wasn’t until Magnus was about halfway down that she finally moved. He watched her carefully take a few steps back before launching herself down the pit in a freefall.

All Taako could do was stare as she shot passed him, her cloak billowed out behind her as she fell, smug grin still on her face. When she was almost caught up with Magnus, her hand shot out grabbing onto his belt. He made a yelp as he was forced to cling to the rocks more desperately, the extra weight almost making him fall.

Lup hung on long enough to slow her momentum before letting go and dropping neatly to the floor.

“What the fuck!?” Magnus yelled, sounding spooked. Taako watcher her dust off her hand even though they weren’t the least bit dirty.

“That’s cheating,” Merle stated.

 “No, it’s winning.”

“If I knew that was an option I wouldn’t have grabbed the pickaxe,” Taako called down with a pout. He could have totally done something like that.

“It’s not!” Magnus exclaimed loudly, but Taako was already thinking otherwise.

The elf didn’t move as he watched Merle try to coax Magnus into finishing his climb. Once he started moving again, Taako waited until he was a little closer to the ground. Maybe thirty seconds later, he abandoned his pickaxe and dropped down, using Magnus’s shoulders as a spring board before landing next to Lup with barely a stumble.

“Damn it Taako!” Magnus exclaimed.

“What? Couldn’t let her show me up.”

“I give it an 8.5. Nice delivery but could have stuck the landing a little better.”

“What? No way! That was at least a 9.”

“Nope,” she stated cheerfully.

“Fine, I’ll do it again.”

“No you won’t!” Mangus shouted as he dropped himself the last few feet to the floor.

“Aww, you ruined our fun,” Taako drawled, getting an annoyed glance from said human.

“I’m not a jungle gym! Or…some sort of climbing tool!”

“But you said you’d catch us,” Lup teased, her head cocking towards Taako.

“And all that was, was some preemptive catching,” Taako finished, barely noticing as his own head tilted towards Lup’s to match her pose.

“That’s not how it works and you know it!”

Taako and Lup chuckled to themselves as Magnus pushed past them towards the new passage. It only lasted a few seconds before they realized what they were doing and immediately straightened up. Taako glance back at her briefly, sharing a ‘that’s weird’ look before following the fighter.

“Hey guys! Wait for me!” Taako heard Merle call towards them. The three of them paused, looking back to see the dwarf fall the last foot or two and land on his ass.

“Four,” Lup and Taako said in unison. They blinked at each other before splitting up to take up opposite sides of Magnus. When Merle finally caught up, which took longer than it should have, they looked down the new tunnel to find that it wasn’t just a tunnel, but more like a hallway with a variety of different passages branching off the main one. Needless to say, Taako wasn’t exactly thrilled.

“Well Fuck,” he muttered. “Looks to me like we’re getting lost again.”

“It looks to _me_ that we need another map,” Lup stated, glancing towards Merle as she spoke. It took the dwarf a moment to figure out what she was talking about, only to frown at her.

“Nope. No. No way,” Merle said, his hands waving in a determined fashion. Taako watched, an eyebrow raised in amusement. “I’m not giving any more blood for these stupid maps. Not a chance. You want a blood map, use your own. If I lose anymore I’m going to end up with anemia!”

“You’re being dramatic. It’s only a little.”

“I’m a dwarf! I only have a little!”

“Not to take sides or anything, but really, how could a new map help us?” Taako finally asked getting both of their attention. “We can’t even read them. We got lost for two days with the last map, at this point I’m sure we’d have better luck just winging it.”

“Yeah, Taako’s right,” Magnus agreed. Taako hummed in delight, which got an odd look from the fighter but he didn’t mind. The words ‘Taako’s right’ always made him exceptionally giddy. And maybe a bit smug. But mostly giddy. “Anyways, I’m not even sure it would work. I think the blood map only gets you to the cave.”

“See? No more blood!” Merle exclaimed. Lup pouted, crossing her arms over her chest as she did.

“Kill joys.”

 

-L-

Lup continued to mope throughout their half hour exploration of the tunnel system. She was not happy about being overruled earlier, it only made it worse that Taako had been covertly gloating ever since. Every time he caught her eye, he’d grin and mouth things like ‘you lost’, ‘I won’, or even just ‘yay Taako.’ It was seriously starting to piss her off to the point where she was tempted to set his gaudy hat on fire.

They had finally seemed to find the right path, or what they hoped was the right path when Lup stopped, a new sound making her ear twitch.

“Hey, do you hear something?” she called to the rest, making them stop as well. The group was silent for a long moment as they tried to pick up the sound as well. She could tell that Magnus and Merle couldn’t hear it, their brows furrowing in concentration and confusion, but Taako seemed to, if his swiveling ears said anything.

“What is it?” he asked quietly, glancing at her. Lup shrugged. The sound was echoing lightly through the hallway, making it difficult to identify as well as find out its origin.

“I don’t know. Sounds like someone jacking off to me.” Lup and Taako both paused before looking towards Magnus and Merle suspiciously.

“What now?” Merle asked, eyebrow raised. Lup thought for a moment and- Nope. No. Gods no. She should never have even though of it. But she did and now that image is burned into her brain doomed to haunt her in her dreams. Why does she do this to herself?

“Let’s just…keep going,” Lup said weekly.

“Agreed,” Taako said, sounding as traumatized as Lup.

Magnus and Merle gave them an odd look but luckily didn’t ask. The party continued on fairly quickly, the strange sound following them as they did. It seemed to get a bit louder as they went, making it not very long before the other two could hear it too. But even with all four of them now able to hear it, they still couldn’t find the location. It took about five minutes of this constant sound for Lup to finally have had enough.

“That’s it. Hand check!” she called, her own hands already up by her head. Magnus immediately shot his hands up without question while Merle raised his a little more slowly, obviously confused. Taako, well, he was doing Jazz hands near his face with a sly grin.

“Taako, this is a hands check, not a _jazz_ hands check.”

“Jazz hands, jizz hands, it’s just a one letter difference,” he said. Merle groaned in distain, while Lup simply grinned.

“You have a point.”

“Uh, guys, it sounds like it’s getting louder,” Magnus said, looking behind them, his face colored in worry. Lup stopped to listen only to find the fighter was right. Whatever was making that sound was definitely getting closer.

“Hand check over,” Lup said quickly as they hurried down the corridor. She wasn’t sure what was behind them, but there was no way in hell she was going to find out in a hallway.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my [tumblr](https://tblsomestories.tumblr.com/) in you feel like checking it out.


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